The Water

Something about being at the pool swimming either alone or with friends and sitting poolside eating

I don’t need booze

I have no ailments

Anxiety gone

A meteor could be heading here rn and I’d just look at it and accept my demise

Nothing else feels this way

Not the gym

Not nature

My writing is the only thing that feels close to it and my writing enters me in a deep flow state when I do it

Nothing outside of the now exists

Especially when I write at night

Rn I am poolside so the focus isn’t as intense

It’s likely because I’m less in my head and the words don’t just pour on the page

I’m also writing on my phone

In the notes app

It’s not as fast but I just don’t care

I like being out here

My maid came and I needed to get out of her way

I’m supposed to have a date later

It doesn’t matter if I don’t or if I do

Nothing matters rn

The sun shines on me

I’m under a some shade

A poolside Cabana

Just sneezed like it was my last sneeze ever

A foreigner said “bless you” as if he were God himself

The water is so cold

And for some reason only foreigners are down here

I can tell because they don’t speak English or they have those mankini speedos on

They just don’t work as hard as Americans in the summer

My mom is South African so I’m half

My work is so different

I’ve always felt foreign

The American way of life confuses me

Most are workaholics

Nothing wrong with that

Better than being an alcoholic or drug addict

But I’ve only ever worked a handful of times for 12 hours a day

Mostly when I was starting my company Hydr8

Other times when I was on Twitter replying 8 hours spread throughout the day and tweeting to get 5 million views a month for 3 months straight to get paid by X

A lot of people were doing that

I was like a Malaysian monkey who can now just post any bait at all and get paid for it

Live like a king in whatever country he’s in

I’ve never had a typical 9-5

Those actually terrify me

Like I don’t know what I would do

Almost sold insurance for a living

I saw the office people getting fatter just in the 3 months I was there

I only stayed that long because ms California trained me and worked next to me

Then I came back home to a runway model who would show up at my house because we left the doors unlocked in Boulder, Co waiting on my couch

I had a gf at the time but she was overseas but I’m sure she was back

I didn’t sleep with any of these models

But I got to thinking

Why can’t I just hang out with these girls instead of work a job where I just get fat and deal with clients ?

So I did that instead

Came back to my hometown still in touch with the runway one

Her name was Lexie

We still talked on the phone every week

My world had changed so much

College seems like a movie set where the floor just fell out from under me

The walls went down and a new set came out

I was back in Houston

I loved being around my parents especially since my dad was ailing and now my mom is sick

At the same time though I wanted the models back

I wanted the gorgeous women I saw everyday in Boulder

So I started a descent into madness

I moved into this hi rise after pulling this nympho in the bathroom of the place next door

I kept having to go to her place since I lived at home

The hi rise became my spot but after the stock market hours were over

I had the whole day essentially

I had met a trader in the building so we hung out some days and built a social hub

All I was trying to do was recreate college

Huge mistake

I wanted the frat house vibe

However, this whole time I just wanted a tribe like anyone else in the world

So I started throwing photoshoots like any sane man would do

Most lasted about an hour with just one girl

A few lasted all day long

The novelty of these quickly burned out as anything new and flashy does

I would go out with the girls mainly by randomly running into them or agency owners

I would also set up nights to go out but very loose like just saying “I’m going to xyz fashion show” or they would invite me to theirs

Meeting more women as I went

I just wanted to shove it in the face of the high schoolers who I went to school with

Wanted to show the frat guys the party didn’t have to stop

I was also going through a heath issues at the time

I’ve talked about all of this before and since I’m by the pool I’m trying to stay very light

A lot of my past makes me very upset because it wasn’t all that glamorous

However, it was fun

My life is simpler now

Less friends

Less girls

More real

More moments shared with strangers and people who matter

0 flash

Way more substance

Slower

However, my days are more meaningful

I never wrote back then

Always too stoned to do shit

Always chasing tail

My life revolved around it and chasing dollars

But mostly girls

I had no idea I could make money off of that knowledge

Right now I choose not too

I mean I have some products but I can’t even delete them since Gumroad wiped my account

I do no paid posts anymore because the less I chase of anything the more I actually get

The most important is I get a calmer inner world

External results come too

But my inner world was a nightmare before

For now I just rather give it all away for free

That has made me happier and more fulfilled than making money off this ever did

I like helping you guys

I’ve made genuine friends I call weekly

I just get to live my life

Even with all the stress of my moms health over the last 6 months

It dropped more today

My system came down after her last health episode

My brother flew in from Europe

I can relax much more

The pool opened up

My heaven on earth

My place I can be at all day

Where my worries go away

Even if it rains

Until next time,

-BTSC