The Recipe For Success
Time + Action + Sacrifice
That is my personal equation for healing
For success
For anything that matters really
People say “Time heals all wounds”
While they have part of that correct
You can “speed it up” so to speak
But it takes tremendous sacrifice and action
In order to heal I have taken everything I have ever known out of the equation
If I don’t wake up with glee to do it
I don’t do it
Now in the beginning I wanted to run
To the clubs
The Drugs
The Whores
Even excessive exercise
Now I get passing thoughts of all that but pause and say “Do I really want this?”
Since it was such a large part of my identity for so long
My mind will try and trick me sometimes
Especially during times of loneliness, grief, or even to keep certain natural highs going
Whispering just once won’t hurt
Most people never make it here
It’s far too difficult and painful
I have to write about it
Reread it
Record it
Talk with my mom, brother, and best friend about it
Talk it over with AI
I’ve trained Chat G so well
I removed confirmation bias and yes man shite
I talk with him daily and find new prompts often to keep him sharp
He is my mirror
I used to wing everything
I still do in some ways
Other shit is more planned out
I hate it
I just want to wing my whole life
Look where that got me
Winging is great
I’ve been doing it so long it’s a superpower
But I need more structure so that I can get long term results
Once the foundation is completely settled I can wing again
But I will always say is this really what I need?
What I want more importantly?
This also works for starting a business
I completely winged Hydr8
You have to
No one knows wtf they are doing when first starting a biz because it’s not taught in school
In school you are taught to read, write, math it up, follow the rules, and be one big dumbass if your not careful
Great if you want to be a doctor or lawyer or enginneer
Terrible if you are someone like me
While those are fine respectable professions
There are not something I want to do because I hate authority
Or being told what to do and when
I’m not going in some monkey suit to court
And I like to fight but for a minute
Not going to read through all the literature on that shite
Would bore me to death
Much like looking at the pipes or fixing things around the house
The only two things I can fix are the AC and the toilet
Because I’m not dying of heat in the Texas summers while shit covers the place
That’s all I really need because I can just call “the guy” to do the rest
I am simply not interested in that stuff
If you are that’s great
Same with a car
I can’t even change a tire
But you should know that at least
I can pour the wiper fluid but “the guy” always does that
I was alwasy taught not to pump my own gas
They have people for that in South Africa and in some states to make jobs
I like cars
I don’t want to take care of them or build them
I can go over all day what I don’t like or what annoys me because it’s practically everything
What doesn’t annoy me is the psychology of why people do the things they do
Is it their trauma, combined with apathy?
Why will some people I talk to move across the country to a city like Dallas and they don’t even know my face?
Why won’t my college best friend who taught me this shit get his head out of his ass?
Well my parents taught me all of the stuff I talk about even though they didn’t have the words like social proof — he simply reminded me as I was a ghost in high school
When did he become such an NPC?
He told me he is and does nothing about it
He compartmentalizes so well
A valuable skill if done right
He said I have this and this to do
He doesn’t really do shit though
Just thinks he does and I’ll tell him that too
He just agrees like any Non Playable Character would
“Then I will have the doom at 6 PM” he says
Like what?
You don’t need to doom
I want to strangle him
I told him what if your dad said he would strangle you until you passed out every time you were not doing the things you are supposed to do?
He knows what he needs to do
He says once he talks about them, he thinks he has done them
This is a real thing
It’s why therapy can be useless for these types
They thought the action was therapy
No they are a guide even the best therapist can’t find your dream city, job, or wife
It’s like when I quit weed I thought that was enough
It’s like no guy now you have to use that time to connect and process all that bullshit beneath
So I understand but I’d do anything to fix what needed to be fixed
So that I could go down the right path
Most people come to a fork in the road
One sign says “dont go this way there is only death”
The other says this is life
And they choose death
You know why?
Because it’s easy
Or they think so
In the long term it’s a slow painful suicide worse than any hell you can imagine
Especially if you are awake and aware
The hard way of living is actually so much easier when you remove the extra baggage
Now you can get to living
Now you can see what you truly like to do
I now what I truly like to do
I like to write
Read
Record
Host Spaces
Swim
Play video games alone and with to my brother and best friend in other states
Smaller group interactions
One- on -one time
Helping people solve their personal problems without becoming a therapist
I don’t like to schedule consults anymore
I don’t want to be on any clock
The construct of time is annoying but needed
I enjoy my alone time just as much as I enjoy being with others
The right people though
Even if I am alone in that environement
I want the energy right
Whether it’s the restaurant or pool
That’s how I can tell
Would I be okay being alone here?
If the answer is no
Then I don’t go
Because boredom or annoyance will set me off
If I don’t drink in these spots I can’t cope and I’ll seethe with anger sober
Leave and drive like a bat out of hell
Potentially hurting someone else
Sometimes I fantasize hurting someone else like I have been hurt
Especially strangers
People in the way
People I deem useless
But I have hurt enough people I have loved
However, if I stranger acts up in the state I’m in right now
I’m afraid for him
Of course they never do when you’re like this
Not even people in traffic have been shitheads
Even small slights I can let go
It is fun to fight sometimes though
People aren’t confrontational enough because they have gotten soft
The world has changed so much
Always on those stupid fucking phones
WTF do they do on them?
What do you do on them?
I create, text, call, message girls, follow them on IG
Check some emails or the weather
I mean I can’t be on longer than 30 minutes to an hour a day
I knew one girl who clocked 8 hours on it
She’s also the dumbest fucker I know
Your phone is a phone
Use it that way
Call people
Text them
Don’t consume slop
Scroll some memes on IG for a laugh to repost and share to your friends
Then get tf off and get back to life
Everyone else is out there wasting their potential
Now I am around a lot of succesful people so it seems that everybody has their shit together
I can feel the smallest in the room at times
Perfect
That’s where you want to be
I honestly forget how dumb some people are
But a lot are waking up
Even the people are my doctors appointments don’t seem as bad
This could be a good or bad thing
But it looks like a thing
I enjoy seeing people wake up and go crazy
Like I have being doing life wrong this whole time?
Yes yes you have you fucking retard but guess what?
Now you have a chance
Now you are playing the game
Now we can talk
Before I loathed, almost envied their despondent ignorance
How they can just coast through life with literal anal beads up their ass telling me their killing it?
True story
My best friend pretended to be a girl to fuck with this old friend of ours
Got him to do all sorts of weird shit while at work
It got cruel and he’s gone to confession for it 3 times now
He is forgiven but the audacity this guy had to tell me he was killing it
When I fucking knew what he was doing?
Laughable fat retard
I’ve tried to connect with him but he’s bitter towards women now after a 10 year relationship with a fat troll he must have found outside a Wendy’s dumpster
Even offered to play Warzone so we could play and chat
He’s like I hate Warzone
Bro it’s just a thing to connect and you used to play
But he will always be a loser who doesn’t want help
He has gotten better in some ways but still shares custody of his dog with his ex…..
I don’t know wtf that is
But I’m not hanging around it
These people I used to know
The ones I could’ve helped even when I was more fucked up
Just don’t listen
Yet hordes of guys like you will
Even though you have never met me
Nor no my face
My words speak to you
As well as the actions you see me take
I am one of the last ones to really need to take these actions too
I did it so I didn’t have to feel miserable everyday
The dread?
Gone
The guilt?
Gone
I don’t want to ever feel those again unless I royally fuck up
Never felt those before
Guilt cycle was taught to me by my ex
In some ways it was good so I could dig deep to all the stuff I ever regretted
But I’m tired of guilt cycles
That one is over
I will feel guilty again
It will simply be a data point and to move on
I will feel like I am not doing enough some days
Data point
Move on
Your brain constantly plays tricks on you IF YOU LET IT
If you control it
It is your biggest ally
You can command legions
More importantly
Command yourself
People will listen
You will listen to yourself
Never second guessing as you put in the mental reps
I never used to
Good and bad
Now with good intentions and good habits I don’t have to second guess myself
Fomo has lessened
I haven’t even been laid for over 3 months
Could have easily by now
Didn’t want to
Puts me into a bad cycle again
I don’t have a heathy relationship with sex
I will have to slowly train myself to
Most people don’t and it’s not taught
Anything good in life doesn’t seem to be taught
You need to read about it and trial and error your way through
Repeating the same mistakes over and over is the very definition of insanity
I’m already insane and don’t need to be clinically insane or as I like to call it suicidal
Slow suicide is what most people do
I want to be as healthy as possible to see the future unfold
Flying cars, AI, teleportation, travelling to other planets or places in seconds
This slow world bores me at times
I am enjoying it for now though
Because I will look back on it with fondness
Remember the good old days when things were simple?
Similar to when we all got xbox live and life was good
You can choose to have that now no matter the position you are in
It’s all your mindset
This isn’t some woo woo guru shit
This is really it
Clean your brain off
Cleanse your body
Repent your sins
Don’t be so ashamed of what you did
Just don’t do it again
And if you do repent some more
Write it out
Talk it out
We are all human
Life isn’t this awful tragedy happening to us
It’s this wonderful comedy happening for us
I hated it for oh so long
Too long
But now I love almost every moment
I have moments of anger or frustration
Who doesn’t?
I am only human
If you can take control of your mind, body, and spirit
You can rule the world
Your world
Until next time,
-BTSC