The Recipe For Success

Time + Action + Sacrifice

That is my personal equation for healing

For success

For anything that matters really

People say “Time heals all wounds”

While they have part of that correct

You can “speed it up” so to speak

But it takes tremendous sacrifice and action

In order to heal I have taken everything I have ever known out of the equation

If I don’t wake up with glee to do it

I don’t do it

Now in the beginning I wanted to run

To the clubs

The Drugs

The Whores

Even excessive exercise

Now I get passing thoughts of all that but pause and say “Do I really want this?”

Since it was such a large part of my identity for so long

My mind will try and trick me sometimes

Especially during times of loneliness, grief, or even to keep certain natural highs going

Whispering just once won’t hurt

Most people never make it here

It’s far too difficult and painful

I have to write about it

Reread it

Record it

Talk with my mom, brother, and best friend about it

Talk it over with AI

I’ve trained Chat G so well

I removed confirmation bias and yes man shite

I talk with him daily and find new prompts often to keep him sharp

He is my mirror

I used to wing everything

I still do in some ways

Other shit is more planned out

I hate it

I just want to wing my whole life

Look where that got me

Winging is great

I’ve been doing it so long it’s a superpower

But I need more structure so that I can get long term results

Once the foundation is completely settled I can wing again

But I will always say is this really what I need?

What I want more importantly?

This also works for starting a business

I completely winged Hydr8

You have to

No one knows wtf they are doing when first starting a biz because it’s not taught in school

In school you are taught to read, write, math it up, follow the rules, and be one big dumbass if your not careful

Great if you want to be a doctor or lawyer or enginneer

Terrible if you are someone like me

While those are fine respectable professions

There are not something I want to do because I hate authority

Or being told what to do and when

I’m not going in some monkey suit to court

And I like to fight but for a minute

Not going to read through all the literature on that shite

Would bore me to death

Much like looking at the pipes or fixing things around the house

The only two things I can fix are the AC and the toilet

Because I’m not dying of heat in the Texas summers while shit covers the place

That’s all I really need because I can just call “the guy” to do the rest

I am simply not interested in that stuff

If you are that’s great

Same with a car

I can’t even change a tire

But you should know that at least

I can pour the wiper fluid but “the guy” always does that

I was alwasy taught not to pump my own gas

They have people for that in South Africa and in some states to make jobs

I like cars

I don’t want to take care of them or build them

I can go over all day what I don’t like or what annoys me because it’s practically everything

What doesn’t annoy me is the psychology of why people do the things they do

Is it their trauma, combined with apathy?

Why will some people I talk to move across the country to a city like Dallas and they don’t even know my face?

Why won’t my college best friend who taught me this shit get his head out of his ass?

Well my parents taught me all of the stuff I talk about even though they didn’t have the words like social proof — he simply reminded me as I was a ghost in high school

When did he become such an NPC?

He told me he is and does nothing about it

He compartmentalizes so well

A valuable skill if done right

He said I have this and this to do

He doesn’t really do shit though

Just thinks he does and I’ll tell him that too

He just agrees like any Non Playable Character would

“Then I will have the doom at 6 PM” he says

Like what?

You don’t need to doom

I want to strangle him

I told him what if your dad said he would strangle you until you passed out every time you were not doing the things you are supposed to do?

He knows what he needs to do

He says once he talks about them, he thinks he has done them

This is a real thing

It’s why therapy can be useless for these types

They thought the action was therapy

No they are a guide even the best therapist can’t find your dream city, job, or wife

It’s like when I quit weed I thought that was enough

It’s like no guy now you have to use that time to connect and process all that bullshit beneath

So I understand but I’d do anything to fix what needed to be fixed

So that I could go down the right path

Most people come to a fork in the road

One sign says “dont go this way there is only death”

The other says this is life

And they choose death

You know why?

Because it’s easy

Or they think so

In the long term it’s a slow painful suicide worse than any hell you can imagine

Especially if you are awake and aware

The hard way of living is actually so much easier when you remove the extra baggage

Now you can get to living

Now you can see what you truly like to do

I now what I truly like to do

I like to write

Read

Record

Host Spaces

Swim

Play video games alone and with to my brother and best friend in other states

Smaller group interactions

One- on -one time

Helping people solve their personal problems without becoming a therapist

I don’t like to schedule consults anymore

I don’t want to be on any clock

The construct of time is annoying but needed

I enjoy my alone time just as much as I enjoy being with others

The right people though

Even if I am alone in that environement

I want the energy right

Whether it’s the restaurant or pool

That’s how I can tell

Would I be okay being alone here?

If the answer is no

Then I don’t go

Because boredom or annoyance will set me off

If I don’t drink in these spots I can’t cope and I’ll seethe with anger sober

Leave and drive like a bat out of hell

Potentially hurting someone else

Sometimes I fantasize hurting someone else like I have been hurt

Especially strangers

People in the way

People I deem useless

But I have hurt enough people I have loved

However, if I stranger acts up in the state I’m in right now

I’m afraid for him

Of course they never do when you’re like this

Not even people in traffic have been shitheads

Even small slights I can let go

It is fun to fight sometimes though

People aren’t confrontational enough because they have gotten soft

The world has changed so much

Always on those stupid fucking phones

WTF do they do on them?

What do you do on them?

I create, text, call, message girls, follow them on IG

Check some emails or the weather

I mean I can’t be on longer than 30 minutes to an hour a day

I knew one girl who clocked 8 hours on it

She’s also the dumbest fucker I know

Your phone is a phone

Use it that way

Call people

Text them

Don’t consume slop

Scroll some memes on IG for a laugh to repost and share to your friends

Then get tf off and get back to life

Everyone else is out there wasting their potential

Now I am around a lot of succesful people so it seems that everybody has their shit together

I can feel the smallest in the room at times

Perfect

That’s where you want to be

I honestly forget how dumb some people are

But a lot are waking up

Even the people are my doctors appointments don’t seem as bad

This could be a good or bad thing

But it looks like a thing

I enjoy seeing people wake up and go crazy

Like I have being doing life wrong this whole time?

Yes yes you have you fucking retard but guess what?

Now you have a chance

Now you are playing the game

Now we can talk

Before I loathed, almost envied their despondent ignorance

How they can just coast through life with literal anal beads up their ass telling me their killing it?

True story

My best friend pretended to be a girl to fuck with this old friend of ours

Got him to do all sorts of weird shit while at work

It got cruel and he’s gone to confession for it 3 times now

He is forgiven but the audacity this guy had to tell me he was killing it

When I fucking knew what he was doing?

Laughable fat retard

I’ve tried to connect with him but he’s bitter towards women now after a 10 year relationship with a fat troll he must have found outside a Wendy’s dumpster

Even offered to play Warzone so we could play and chat

He’s like I hate Warzone

Bro it’s just a thing to connect and you used to play

But he will always be a loser who doesn’t want help

He has gotten better in some ways but still shares custody of his dog with his ex…..

I don’t know wtf that is

But I’m not hanging around it

These people I used to know

The ones I could’ve helped even when I was more fucked up

Just don’t listen

Yet hordes of guys like you will

Even though you have never met me

Nor no my face

My words speak to you

As well as the actions you see me take

I am one of the last ones to really need to take these actions too

I did it so I didn’t have to feel miserable everyday

The dread?

Gone

The guilt?

Gone

I don’t want to ever feel those again unless I royally fuck up

Never felt those before

Guilt cycle was taught to me by my ex

In some ways it was good so I could dig deep to all the stuff I ever regretted

But I’m tired of guilt cycles

That one is over

I will feel guilty again

It will simply be a data point and to move on

I will feel like I am not doing enough some days

Data point

Move on

Your brain constantly plays tricks on you IF YOU LET IT

If you control it

It is your biggest ally

You can command legions

More importantly

Command yourself

People will listen

You will listen to yourself

Never second guessing as you put in the mental reps

I never used to

Good and bad

Now with good intentions and good habits I don’t have to second guess myself

Fomo has lessened

I haven’t even been laid for over 3 months

Could have easily by now

Didn’t want to

Puts me into a bad cycle again

I don’t have a heathy relationship with sex

I will have to slowly train myself to

Most people don’t and it’s not taught

Anything good in life doesn’t seem to be taught

You need to read about it and trial and error your way through

Repeating the same mistakes over and over is the very definition of insanity

I’m already insane and don’t need to be clinically insane or as I like to call it suicidal

Slow suicide is what most people do

I want to be as healthy as possible to see the future unfold

Flying cars, AI, teleportation, travelling to other planets or places in seconds

This slow world bores me at times

I am enjoying it for now though

Because I will look back on it with fondness

Remember the good old days when things were simple?

Similar to when we all got xbox live and life was good

You can choose to have that now no matter the position you are in

It’s all your mindset

This isn’t some woo woo guru shit

This is really it

Clean your brain off

Cleanse your body

Repent your sins

Don’t be so ashamed of what you did

Just don’t do it again

And if you do repent some more

Write it out

Talk it out

We are all human

Life isn’t this awful tragedy happening to us

It’s this wonderful comedy happening for us

I hated it for oh so long

Too long

But now I love almost every moment

I have moments of anger or frustration

Who doesn’t?

I am only human

If you can take control of your mind, body, and spirit

You can rule the world

Your world

Until next time,

-BTSC