The Final Boss

***This is one of the rawest things I’ve ever written. It’s unfiltered, intense, and reflects a specific state of mind. If you’re sensitive to harsh language or dark humor, skip this one.***

My mortal enemy is here knocking again

He loves to creep in when I just am solving the rest of the stuff

The reason I got into all this shite to begin with

The devil himself may as well be here

He would be more fun to play with

You know what it is?

BOREDOM

I have way more time than most people

Been retired for years

I’ve seen the degen side

The good side

Both have their pros and cons

The pros of this side is I’m never hungover, sleep way better, can do whatever I want everyday

But that’s also a con

Used to be hungover and have to get out of that

Pills, inhale gas, or weed

Something to do as my friend always says

Hate when he says that

I don’t want something to do

I want to do everything and nothing

I hate most things

So people suggest travel, ballroom dancing, cooking class

Listen if I start doing all that stupid fucking shit

Kill me

Airports full of bug people

I flew to Aspen before it was cool first class

20 years ago

Very few people feel how I do

I see when people don’t have work

They start losing their minds

Their real problems then stuff down all week start to come up

They hide it with travelling, eating, exercising, some of them partying

I don’t have to worry about money or a family or shit

I can stand here on my head all day

I can go into a coma and would just lose weight or some shit

Doesn’t matter

I’d rather die than be bored

At least I reached here again

The anger beneath my skin is back

I feel like my normal self again

I remember this is why I started smoking spice at 16

I was bored

Didn’t matter if I was around smart kids or retards

They all annoyed me

I always was like “this is it?”

Keep feeling like this

It’s not like I can hang out with people in the afternoon

The ones I can smoke all day

The rich ones who think they are going to be lawyers like their dads

The poor ones who are just the same

No path, so chase pleasure

I’ve decided I’m going turn this into something productive

More podcasting

I want you guys to ask me a simple question

I’ll link the service below when I’m done ranting

If no one wants to ask

I’ll just riff on there most days

That’s what Tate does and Trump all day

They just speak out there ass because they are bored in some ways

The only problem with that is people want to fuck you up when you are in the limelight

I’d do that if my mom died and brother

Put my face out there and call everyone niggerfaggots until someone shot me

I’d be happy to be put down

The content would be A fucking plus

I always have to reel it in a bit

I’m going to start getting harsher when I’m in these moods

So if your scare easily best to fuck off now

Because I just don’t care anymore

I’m dead bored

The days go fast but it’s always like is this is?

My path isn’t as defined

I have to be able to just riff all day

I’m happiest and the most fulfilled when I can just talk all day long

I don’t want to preach to kids or whoever

I don’t want to have to leave the house

And put on some monkey suit and stand on stage in the public eye

I just want to be able to do it anytime I want

Hit that motherfucking record button

Piss people off

Make some laugh

Find people like me

Others who have it all and are bored outta their minds

We can create everything and then burn it all down and do it again

Nothing else to do

It’s why I did drugs

I was happiest when I went out but had to drink to cope

Same in college had to smoke in the beginning, then drink on weekends at the frat

In person is different

At first it’s a rush

Then you get used to it and it’s boring so I add more drugs in

Cocaine and booze now

Let’s find a girl

Let’s find 10

Ok two will do

Cocaine all night with them

I don’t even like coke

I don’t even like to drink

My drug of choice is Opiates

Vicodin is my favorite

Not too strong

Not too short lasting

Heroin was nice tho

Could do a little bump or line and cruise for hours then a little more

I’ve replicated the feeling sober

Yesterday I released a shitload of dopamine and I got warm and scared

I thought I had taken a laced fent pill because that’s how I felt then

But I hadn’t even eaten a gd pill

My brain has only been able to associate dopamine with almost dying half the time

Speeding, rawdogging, hey maybe she will get pregnant then we can fly to Colorado for an abortion

Won’t that be fun????

Then we can come back and go out

She will burst into tears after

And I will the next week

What a great start to our relationship

Trauma bonding, bonding over going out, bonding over booze and dinners, nitrous after

Oh do I Miss the chaos

Lil miss chaos where did you go?

Come back to me ho

I need it

I thrive on it

It’s all I’ve ever known

Now it’s been 6 weeks today since I’ve gone out

Got wasted, did a gram of coke to sober up, didn’t help, mixed it with a bunch of xanax

Walked down the street fucked outta my mind

Twisted my ankle which I’m still icing

I love getting hurt when its something I love to do

I loved doing that so it was great

It forced me to get to here too

I always knew I was a good thing in retrospect

Now I get to figure out what I really want

The nightlife is always there

I can go back out one day and ease my way in

It hasn’t really been the same in years

Bunch of drugged out chucklehead, cock sucking fuckers

But they get it at least

The problem is its the end of the road and they know that

Where dreams go to die

Divorced people

One guy I knew always had nasal spray cocaine and would just dance everywhere like a retard

He did that for attention

He said after the divorce and his eyes just stared off into space

It broke him in half

So to cope he would do his nasal spray cocaine everyday

Drink everyday

Eat fast food everyday

He said to counteract that all he would dance the whole time

In some ways I envy him

Like I wish I could bartend, drink, do coke all day and dance

But what does he do in his down time

Bet you he isn’t doing that 24/7— just at nights

I saw him chilling at his shitty apartment pool

Always hoping someone would come by

He always gave me the nasal spray coke

He said hit it

I would snort like 8 sprays

Buy him a drink

There is only one degen I know who is a fucking jew ass loser

Nobody really likes him since he never pays for shit

Creeps the girls out to no end

He travels now for his work

Runs some stupid swimsuit competition once a year

Says travelling is his girlfriend

Knows he can’t pull and said I just like drinking and jacking off

Now travelling since he can

He has this kid energy to himself sometimes

Like Oh I can travel to shitsburg Yay!

Drinks at 8 am before the flight because why not?

TBH a lot of these guys are damn self aware of what they are doing

I’ve had one on ones with a lot of them

The smartest one is like ya I dumb myself down

They know they are lusting for girls, looking for validation, looking for someone to like them back

A lot of people do

But all the wrong people

One guy knows everyone

That same smart dude

But he knows no one at the same time besides maybe one guy

They are all single

The regulars are all older than me

I’ll be 32 soon

They are late 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s

Some of them have been there 30 years

Some 5

Some 10

The younger ones are clueless to their path

Some have succesful businesses

But they don’t know what else to do

Sure some workout and golf

Or travel

One only goes once a month or so

He’s like ya I know I’m a degenerate

I like to gamble in Vegas

Spending 50k at a time

He’s jacked asf, owns his own business that looks like it runs itself

He shares girls with the club owners

Now these people have made their beds

The problem I see especially in the retired ones

Is wtf do they do all day long?

I’ve asked

I take my dogs out, do some errands watch tv, blah blah blah

They just wait around for the weekend

For the parties to start again

The chaos cycles to happen

And they know this

They say wtf else am I supposed to do

Then they stay hungover in bed all day or flop on the couch and feel awful

Their livers are swollen

Hard on the outside of their stomachs

You can feel it

It’s scary

Scared liver, enlarged hearts from the booze, coke, or steroids

Some have veins are their faces or noses messed up indicating liver damage

They don’t give a shit

Like my father

I said don’t you care about your liver?

Why would I care about that? He said

They don’t care

They have seen people in hospitals and the end of the line

How bad liver disease or kidney disease is

Deep down they may care or not

There isn’t anything else going on

I don’t want that

My dad’s side is either sober or deathly drunk

One just had her second heart attack

Right back to smoking and drinking in her bed as she bosses everyone around

That’s what his side does

That’s all they know

They are the boss

They will be served

They find enablers and strong people who can do all the dirty work

People that they can use and abuse

I don’t want that

My mom’s side is the exact opposite

Not one has a drug or alcohol problem

Not in South Africa

That’s a stupid American thing as she would say

She thinks everyone here is retarded except a few

They are

The society here is so fucked up they don’t even realize it

It’s still the best country in the world

But they don’t care about their families like they should

Everyone is so spoiled nowadays

Instant gratificaiton

That doesn’t happen with a family

It’s a slow process

It would be nice to have one day

But not because it’s something to do

Or to pass down trauma

Or whatever

Right now I’d do that for all the wrong reasons

I can barely take care of myself

A kid and wife would be the worst thing for me right now

One day perhaps

I just don’t want to worry about them all the time

I enjoy my alone time

And without firm boundaries I would get sucked into their worlds

Because wtf else is there to do?

That’s what I need now

My dad used to have “Office hours”

He would just read James Patterson for 5 hours

Pissed my mom off because he would blow her off and just sit in the middle of the house

When he got bored

He would be like Dear

She’s like don’t dear me

He was right to set boundaries but he needed to say

“Hey I just need this time”

Because she felt used

Then he would try to come control the TV put on the awful news and start drinking

Mouthing off at the TV

Something to do

She was dead sober and he would just be saying whatever and she would get annoyed

But if he said what I said which is I’m miserable wtf is there to do?

She would have looked at him like wtf?

I told my mom yesterday I’m bored asf

The day before said I’m miserable and just dissociated

It’s like I have barely anything to live for anymore

But I had a full day yesterday

I need to create even more now that I have the time

Otherwise I just want to die

Not really but just be put in a coma

If I knew what was on the other side

And I got heaven with my dad

I’d pull the trigger now

But if I turn into a nigger ass butterfly

May as well enjoy this world

Never have though

This is new to me

I’m like 6 weeks born

But I was always bored out of my mind

Angry as hell that others could just enjoy shit

They needed to be miserable like me

Misery loves company

I’m the definition of it

But I don’t want that anymore

But it’s all I know

Fight or flight

I usually fight because flight makes me feel like a pussy

I hate feeling weak like that

But I got bored of the drugs, women, and chaos

I need to create something bigger

But I hate backend shit like editing this

I can have AI do it

Or I can do it myself

Already popping out daily posts

Doing two podcasts a week

I want to up that into 20 mins sessions all the way to three hours

If you want to ask me something

Anything at all

Click here

I know about all of the shit you read

I also know about stocks not index funds

Don’t have a clue about crypto besides you need to own Bitcoin and Ethereum

I know about women, nightlife, drugs, exercise and what would suit you

Not just going to say go to the gym like everyone else if you hate it

I know how to read people and talk to anyone

I have a second sense for when people are cold, uncomfortable, barely have to move

I manipulated for years

I helped too

I’m not a pyscopath

I’m just unfiltered and don’t care

Someone who just wants to help instead of hurt now

Ask me any voice question above

I’ll answer it in a short maybe even long podcast

Not doing any consulting

Don’t want to sell shit anymore even though I have that on my twitter account

I won’t be linking any of the CTAs much or anymore at all

I would only like to grow to get more questions to help

I have an audience of 8500 people

5000 subs here

1500 who read regularly

I don’t do any paid consults anymore

I don’t want to just repeat myself to people all day

Other topics I know about are swimming, lifting, physical therapy, Instagram, dating apps, writing, reading, I can even help you pick out your next car

Not because I know much about cars because I can feel you out and know what you want before you do

I’m great at knowing what others want deep down

I know what’s best for most people most of the time

I’ve had people move cities to explore different lifestyles

I don’t do cookie cutter bullshit

If you left a message asking hey should I rent or buy and gave me just enough detail I’d be able to tell you quicker than anyone you know

My secret weapon is knowing what is best for others

I can read them like a book

Their deepest desires

I listen to everything well

You don’t have to take my advice

But the only thing I know is what others want by what they tell me

It’s a skill I haven’t used a lot because I was always searching for what I wanted

This is what I want

I want to help you with anything your heart desires

I guarantee know one out there is willing to do this

You will be anonymous

Again here is the link

I’m excited to do this as this is my best skill by far

Even if only one person reaches out

Otherwise I will continue to make content that I enjoy or that I think you guys may benefit from

You can always message me too

Hope everyone has a great week

Until next time,

-BTSC