Let the Shit and Piss Wash Over You

I could be bitter

But I choose to be better

Too much energy to fight, hate, and wish ill

The feelings of peace are humming through my body

The silence is my friend

The pain is familiar but will leave eventually

It’s not the pain I fear anymore

I fear no pain now

How can I gain when I’m in no pain?

Of course I think you can

You don’t need pounds of daily pain to make it

You need bouts of pain

It’s a reminder from the universe saying

You are not immune

You are not better

You are unique

Just like everyone else

However, most people do not gain their full potential

Some through the own faults

Some through society’s

Some were born in the wrong family or country

Can everyone do it?

Sure

But if everyone did, who would go into the sewers?

I’d like to think someone would but how many would really enjoy that?

Not many except maybe Charlie and Frank from Always Sunny

Now people eat shit sandwiches everyday but the simulation has them fooled

There are people below Vegas called the Mole people who live in the Sewers

When I was 21, I looked down those grates you can walk across

I swore I saw eyes stare back at me

Years later I discovered there were people who lived in the Vegas sewers

It’s like the game or show Fallout

We live amongst the ghouls and goblins

Now some of those people interviewed still seemed more aware than the NPCs down at the Volvo dealership

I mean the big fat guy named Raymond had to text me when I was a room away

Don’t text me, I’m right here

Like when the Raymond bot 3000 takes over and he realizes his entire life was a lie

Then I’d be concerned

They will dull him into the seductive metaverse so not too concerned

They keep him subdued with donuts, a bit of paper to make rent, and some extra for his brazzers account

Remember donuts?

Lol

We all had them when young and we felt awful after

We knew then

Anyone willing to eat donuts for the first meal without being entirely aware that it will ruin the rest of the day, is a complete imbecile

I eat eggs, yogurt, berries, cinnamon, honey, with some toast everyday

Except some holidays and my godmother will make brownies and we get takeout

Then who gives af right?

It’s about family time not being anal retentive

Unless you have some goal during the holidays that requires you to be on a special diet

Just eat the motherfucking brownies or donuts

Nuking your system with coffee and donuts or whatever starbucks or mcdickheads people eat daily

Sets you up to fail everyday

You can’t quite reach your full potential

Now some idiot out there is like What about trump?

Trump is one in a billion you are not

His mission can outweigh everything and even he’s cut back on the bread and lost 30lbs while running the world

He’s also very flawed and has failed many times publicly

I used to think perfection was the goal and failure was not an option

Failure is the only option for a while

You can’t learn without failing

Now do you need to fall into the sewers

No not physically

Metaphorically yes

Let the shit and piss flow over you

Let it wash your soul

I don’t need anything really

I need a roof over my head, connection, a good book, writing, talking via the phone, podcasts, or spaces

Obviously I need food

But I don’t need every supplement

Just a few

I don’t need to watch the news

About 8 people told me the pope was American

Okay that is good for America but does anyone really care or is it just a talking point?

I’m not sure, it’s kinda cool

Most people don’t even know or it’s forgotten

It is good to keep abrest of the situation in the world

We all know the big issues

Can you solve it?

No

You can barely solve your own

It’s a psyop to make you think you are part of something

I used to never think I needed friends or family

Just adoring fans

What good were they for otherwise?

They were fools and easy to manipulate and beat

Not until I went to college did I realize their true importance

Never have I felt so connected to a group of people

From the dorms to the frat

I think about it everyday

I wanted that lifestyle forever

Now I still do but what I really craved

What I wanted more than anything

Was to be seen, to see, to understand, to be understood

My people

My tribe

What I didn’t understand was that the tribe is ever changing

I only talk to one guy

Just like in nightlife

I only reach out to one guy

Just like in high school and middle school. I only have one friend

My best friend

He understands me more than anyone somehow

My brother does too we just tend to do the exact opposite things

Which is great

My best friend and I have our differences too

One thing we really all share is a love/lust for life

Our values are similar but different

And it’s all okay

I used to want them to bend to my will

It was my world

They were my guests

Younger

I had to lead

Now I let them lead

I showed what I can

I try to help when I can

But they help me more now

I try to lead with this

I know they read these

They know I love them dearly

They will both be in my life forever even the afterlife

My brother shows me how to get along with everyone

I play terribly with others

My best friend shows me that we are actually the sane ones inside the nuthouse even though we sound insane

My college best friend is still a bit lost

He would agree if he read this

But aren’t we all?

The big picture may be clear some days

The mission may be powerful

But some days are foggy

Some days it’s easy to forget or fall into bad patterns

The bad cycles

The vices

The bad thoughts

Too much ego

Too much soul

Not enough immersion of them both

They will clash until they both have the same goals

Right now both my brother and best friend have a very clear view of where they want to be in a few years

In some ways I do too

They know they want kids and a family

I’m not sure if I do

We all are a bit unsure of what to do in terms of running a business, a career, writing

I know my skills are writing, talking, and helping others navigate life

I’ve never had a real boss

I’ve always had to be first through the fog

I loved it at first

Now it’s scary asf

I don’t know what awaits

I know what I’m capable of

But the fog is clear in my day to days

I know what fulfills and brings me joy

I know I can help others

I can help people only who are willing

I can’t make anyone do anything

The more I help myself, the more I can reach

The more I become myself, the more I can teach

Sometimes I feel like an Incel or NPC

This main difference I see is I’m voluntarily celibate now

One of the hardest things to do as even if I wanted a girl with no work I could just hire an escort

Without connection though what’s the point?

Jacking off to one person in my head has been more fulfilling than any meaningful sex

Wish I knew about that a long time ago

My copes are healthier

My soul is getting fuel

My ego is getting the right fuel

My body and mind are healing

This is hard to say but I want to beleive whether I am alone forever or with a girl that I gel with, kids or not I will still be fulfilled and happy

I can always date casually with some connection

I don’t want it to be like oh I didn’t get sex this week

Then I’m a failure

Didn’t get the money I wanted well fuck what I’m doing

There is always a solution to the problems

Drugs, sex, booze, validation, needing others, desperation, fear of being alone, fear of being forgotten, fear of not being heard, fear of missing out

Fear is the enemy

Knowledge and understanding our your allies

Your emotions can be great tools

Don’t let them run you

Don’t spiral

Don’t run from them

They will always be there

Embrace change

If something is too much to handle, remove it

This is where I fear having kids

What if one dies?

Gets cancer?

See I’m living in fear

One way is to either overcome it or simply remove it

Life is far too short

I know happy single people

I know happy married people

I know miserable people on both sides

You get to choose what you want to be

If the booze is taking over

If the drugs are taking over

Even if your work is taking over, especially if you don’t enjoy it

If your family is taking over and shaking your core

You have to leave

I have left a lot of my family and the ones I want to connect with are in South Africa

So good fucking luck

My dad left his first kids

He was unhappy for 12 years

His wife was outta control

That’s where his drinking began

He wanted a fresh start

I don’t blame them

I wouldn’t be here without all that

But I couldn’t be around their greed

They have been forgiven, but not forgotten

You must do what you can to keep your sanity

It’s best to avoid a messy divorce for obvious reasons

It’s best to do it right the first time

But people change

You can’t control that

You have to go into big life decisions as the best version you can be at the time

If it all falls apart, leave

Deal with the aftermath, but do not lose yourself to anything or anybody

You are only here for a short amount of time

If you are miserable it will be a very long time

If you aren’t, life will be very short

When you enjoy things how fast does time fly?

How fast does it fly when you stare at the clock?

Take some time to look around

To sit still

To enjoy the moment

It will be gone before you know it

The best moments are a flash

The best food

The best sex

The best night out

The best company

That’s why your daily life needs to be fulfilling

So when you have the best times

They are only that much better

Until next time,

-BTSC