I Never Want How I'm Feeling to End
Everything is different now
It is more a state of pure bliss
The less is more effect kicking in
I never knew how close I was to this state
As soon as I started doing the things I liked to do without caring what others liked the minute I was here
Whether I knew it or not initially
I used to have a checklist to know if I do these things then I’ll feel good
I’ll walk, gym, swim, get sunlight, supplements, eat right, sleep well, have sex
Tire myself out with all of that or some work stuff
But all I was doing was either stressing myself out or in a fight or flight mode just to feel something
Then every week I’d use drugs and alcohol and repeat the cycles
I’d fomo myself from the strangest shit I’d never do in a million years
Doomscroll saying well I’m trying to reply to grow my account
I’m trying to make money to provide for my future family
Fuck all that shit
IDGAF anymore in the healthiest way possible
Not depressed or like fuck you type shit
Just like whatever man
Like I always wanted to be
If I have a family so be it
The money will come
Or it won’t
I can always save more or make more
IDC anymore
I’m tired of the trivialities man worships
Worships the dollar
The almighty dollar
What do you do when you have all the money you want?
That’s what you should be doing now
Of course you need money to get the basics and survive and not worry about it in general
You don’t need billion or millions of dollars to be happy or fulfilled
Ya starting your own biz is cool and gives you power and money
It’s also a real pain in the ass
Just like a 9-5
It’s all a pain in the ass
Just a different type of pain
I’ve always just self inflicted pain
Needed girls, validation, status, money, a nice pad
Got everything I wanted and was still like what now?
It never stops
So instead I just opt in to do the things I want to do
Of course now that I do all that I get more validation, respect, money, attention
And now that I don’t care about that or use it as fuel
Of course it keeps coming
Just like when you don’t care about the outcomes of dealing with women
With women and business there are so many moving parts you never know whats going to happen
Ya you can control and obsess
I don’t do either anymore
I embody control and obsession
I don’t control therefore I do
I don’t obsess therefore I am
I’ve spoken about these things with friends and family before but they never quite got to this level
No, this is much much different
When you are hopping around on one leg, it puts things into perspective
I know people without legs
Kids die of cancer everyday
And you want pieces of paper that come from trees and a wet hole for your third leg because it feels good?
Same shit fat people just keep eating the cake
Have a slice and be done
Check a dm and get off the apps
The monks pray for 8 hours a day
Work for 8 hours
Sleep for 8 hours
No money
No women
No validation
There is always slight status games that are ingrained in us but they don’t chase them
They just exist
They also read and write
They make music and clothing
I’m sure they play on their strengths and preferences
They have to do things everyday they don’t want to do as well as a lot of stuff they want to do
This is the human condition
When I just did things I wanted to do
Then I’m strung out on heroin on the couch
Dishes in the sink
Doing the minimum amount of effort for anything
The heroin was all I needed
It’s the best drug ever
You can just sit there and get everything you want
You don’t need people
Much food at all
Or sleep
Or anything
You can just be
That was over 8 years ago
Now I realize I can just be without it as well
To achieve that same state of bliss is just by doing things I enjoy doing
It’s that easy
You don’t need the drugs for that
I also didn’t know what I liked doing back then
I only started learning that these last couple of years
But I lost sight
I couldn’t explore new options
I was in my head
Stuck
With or without my girl
I was just surviving
It feels like I’m thriving now
Without any effort at all
I plan on swimming this week and getting in some more movement
If I feel it’s a bad idea I just won’t
I used to be so upset when my day didn’t go as I planned
It never really does
Perfection is not the goal
The process is
How you react to the process is everything
Responding is a good reframe
Do I still get mad?
Hell fucking ya I do
If you guys have listened to my podcasts, sometimes I get really angry
Now I know why I scared so many people before
That shit is frightening
Never heard my voice like that
But I use it to create
I also don’t spiral or stew for hours in my head being upset
I got it down to 20 minutes
Now 5-10
The emotions will come I can’t suppress them
I can be aware when they come and not use them to lash out
It’s not like I’m wrong when I’m mad
People are so incompetent nowadays
And I grew up with learning competence
So most of these buffoons are total retards and that’s ok but it will upset me at times
I can’t ruin other peoples times just because the baboons are screeching
Never knew how dumb most adults were
I thought they all had it figured out
Turns out most of them don’t
Especially the masses
A lot of the people I know do
Whether they are retired or work all day
Have a family or don’t
They know how to be alone and handle others
Two things I struggled with my whole life
Got bored with others easily or annoyed
Used drugs to cope and booze
Now I don’t care
If I’m with the people I like and love then it’s 10x easier
Conditional friends are fine
Sometimes you need a tennis buddy or someone to play cards with
You can play solitaire or hit on the wall
Those get boring in about 5 minutes
Simply not sustainable activities for most people
I still have conditional nightlife friends or clients or others who just bond over getting sober
That’s totally fine
Most people have 2 good friends
I’ve been watching and asking
It’s just easier on the human brain
You just gel with them for whatever reasons even if you don’t have the same hobbies
It makes life easier and more fulfilling
You can just go to a couple of weddings
I hate weddings
Some people like them
I prefer funerals
Most people say they don’t but what I see is a lot of happy people at them
Free food and drinks and good company
One celebrates two people going to do their life together
The other celebrates the person getting everlasting peace
But a lot of people do it just because its the next thing to do
Most people shoulnd’t get married
Males get almost nothing out of it
A stable one you can get a tax break
If your with the wrong girl you will get a massive headache and lose all the income you start getting it and half the house and half the time with the kids
What a nightmare
Do it right the first time or don’t bother to do it at all
Obviously one or two times isn’t make or break it
But I’ve known people to get married from 4-8 times
Who tf even wants to get married that much
Some things in life are better done once
That way they are better and you don’t ever have to do it again
Savoring that moment in time
Other things are great to do every single day or week
One thing I really liked about the nightlife people was there were never any weddings only funerals
Never went but I had my own funerals to go to and never even knew about those
One guy lied about his age and was ten years older
The people showed up and were like wtf
The club who knew him the most had an eerie bottle service for him
He was only 44 years old
Another guy was my age
He was always in an awful mood and depressed
Both of these guys were on weeks long benders
Weeks not a week
Pills, blow, booze, you name it
Now at least they have their peace
I still don’t know how I’m still alive
Feel like I was on a 10 year long bender
I know people who have been drinking and smoking for 50 years who are still alive
They just sit around in their bed or couch and drink
My cousin is like this
She just had a stroke and back to it
My gfs grandpa is trying to drink himself to death
His worry is living until 90s like his parents before him
The booze is a slow suicide
I see what it can do
My dad was doing the same thing
Then he was alive for 10 years after with a host of health issues
I understand addiction better than most
It’s a bizarre thing
Self destructing is fun
You also think you will die because all the DARE programs and everyone says you will
Then you don’t
Now what?
Well you were basically dead anyway
So this feeling of aliveness is unusual to me
I was just getting by
How could I just be getting by?
Me, the guy with a tennis pro mom
Taught well
Shown well
Easily top 1%
I was still drowning
Scares me for others
I’m trying to help as many as I can through my writing, hosting spaces, my podcasts
I show up everyday and put in some work towards that
Even if I take a day off like Saturday I’ll still send out some tweets or basic shit
One day off never killed anyone
But I always make sure to get back to it
I don’t rush I just write when it calls me
I podcast when it’s time
I read to learn how to write better
I listen to short podcasts while I prepare food to learn how to speak better
My style is different, that I know
Everyones is
It’s fun to discover different writers
One thing I don’t force is creativity
I don’t force anything anymore
If I know I have to do something like my taxes so that I can not get audited by the IRS to make my life easier than ya I’ll do it as long as I need to
Taking breaks and going to see my accountant
Checking other shit out we missed paying
Filing out forms etc
It’s a bunch of nonsense and we should abolish the IRS
But life is a bunch of nonsense anyway
You could be playing a video game and get stuck
Well if you don’t complete it you can’t get to the rest of the game
So you either do it or quit
Same with reading a book
Don’t like one chapter
Maybe speed read it and get to another
Don’t understand it fully
That’s okay either reread or move on
Your brain picks up more than you think
It gets the jist
Still not liking it
Read something else
There is always a solution to your problems
Humans like to solve problems
Instead of making up tiny ones or complaining
Like I’ve been a pin cushion with needles from allergy shots to BPC and TRT shots
Instead of being like fuck this shit
I’m like this is great
Always knew the future would have needles
Way more efficient
Is it annoying sometimes?
Of course
Do I do it anyway?
You bet your ass I do
Feel better, hormones aligned, healing faster and old injuries, no more intense allergies
Quality of life through the roof for a simple minute injection
I even drive to my allergy shots simply because I still have to get new vials often and they went bad in my fridge during multiple storms
Excuse to get out and get some groceries after
I like the people there and sometimes I have them clear out my ears
It’s just fine
Years ago I would been so annoyed
Be like this is a waste of time
And ya in some ways but in others its super beneficial
Also nowadays you never have to leave the house if you don’t want to
Not a good thing
Food delivered
Girls delivered
Drugs delivered
Entertainment on deck
Sounds great on paper but is awful in person
Glorified prison with conjugal visits
Plenty of people with remote jobs or NEETS/Incels just stay at home on government checks or with their parents or some family member
Change of environment is always good
Even if you just go down the hall and chill in the skydeck
Or a different room in your house
If you do what you love to do you could be on the moon
But even the incels have to go to a doc or dentist once in a while
Once the metaverse is here this effect will be 10x
My biggest fear is getting sucked into that
Checking out the minute everyone else uses it
Or its fully used in our world
Some ways it sounds super nice
Like people would have thought this reality is
But if used sparingly to connect with people and be superman while you are in a wheelchair in real life would be awesome for some
I fear most will lose their souls just like they have with their phones
Pacman style metaverse now
But I can’t control that
Only myself
I don’t think I will disappear into the metaverse
I’m just too aware
Society will be different then
Not good or bad
Remember its how you respond to the retards
The masses
The NPCs or normies
Whatever is your name for them
You can run to the farm
You can stay in town
Whatever works for you
Until next time,
-BTSC
My own blueprint I created to help you grow a social circle in 3-6 months in any city
16 Cities around the World