Experience from Loner to Social King

By Barry Cooper

Barry Cooper and I were talking on X the other day. His story resonated with me and as I am sure it will with you. His experience is something many young men go through. Enjoy this wonderful read.

As a kid I was always an extrovert but always needed alone time. I struggled to make friends always as a kid but learned to adapt and be more social…. Mostly in high school. I was always a black sheep, loved breaking rules, listening to heavy metal instead of mainstream rap as all of my friends were doing I was an alien. 

I knew since I was 8 years old I didn’t wanna do college and wanted to be a professional surfer/ skater. As I got into high school I was pretty popular but moved across from NY to California and everything changed. I was no longer the popular athlete but now just the new kid a clean slate. 

I learned that adaption is a skill and it is possible assuming you’re willing to make yourself look like an idiot for an extended period of time. I eventually made lots of friends and had everything going for me as the new kid. 

Fast forward to college, I became involved in fast money schemes and again I was the new kid who didn’t go to college and stayed at home. While I was going through ups n downs I was constantly watching social media of my friends having the best time of their lives partying at college. Now again I became isolated living in my own bubble of business/ investing/ etc. 

This drove me to one goal. Before I turn 21 and move out on my own I must be wealthy (have 6 digits in the bank and afford a luxury apartment in LA). I put my head down worked and eventually made it happen. But during my 21st birthday, Covid happened and the social life I was building came crashing down 

I started using the Hinge app, online dating but quickly realized that I was cutting myself short and the quality of people I was meeting was not who I wanted and further became very unhappy. I was not picking up any hobbies but rather just swiping, smoking pot and became way more depressed 

Since I had money it was easy to use that money towards my bad habits and it enabled me to go deeper down this rabbit hole. I felt like a failure even though I reached all my goals 

Now the changing point of all of this is when I saw my buddy who partied, had a healthy aspect of life and never took anything seriously made more money than me, had a hot GF and I realized my way of thinking was a problem 

I picked up surfing again (my first hobby I actually enjoyed) and started to deploy money into my hobbies instead of just saving for index funds. After a certain amount of money, putting $1000 into ur savings won’t do shit. However, $1000 into traveling will change your life. 

I used the same philosophy to start pushing boundaries of my pleasure and hobbies and it was a spiral effect. I didn’t have any friends until I started doing things that I liked (running, exercise, etc) 

Since I was a solo entrepreneur living solo I had zero leads in LA for a social life. For weeks I went out solo, group workout classes and kept getting leads but would never see them again (friends/ girls who wanted to go out) 

It wasn’t until I downloaded class pass and found running clubs where my life changed. I would go out to night clubs with the intention of getting laid/ making friends/ playing the popularity contest but it made me happy and realized it was turning me into border line predatory. 

I know realized in order to get results you desire, not to go head first into it but change your perspective. Example is if you want to find a GF who u share similarities with, you must engage in those activity and do it for a genuine reason 

Move in favorable logistics and things happen. I’ve also asked women “hey I’m new to the area/ struggle w friends can I go out with u and ur friends sometime?” Intentions weren’t pick up but rather actual friends 

List of activities in LA where you meet people aligned with your goals (business fitness health) 

- coffee n chill 

- run clubs 

- class pass 

- F45 gyms 

- any class fitness 

- going on walks around neighborhoods with no head phones just talking to people ( not daygame) 

- building your Instagram 

I want to thank Barry for writing this post. He has lots of excellent advice and going to these places over and over gives you what I like to call the mere exposure effect

As long as you show up, talk to people, listen to them, and future project other activities you can do, then you will always make new friends

You can find him on X here