Hey guys,
First and foremost, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to read this article. I am thrilled to be working together with Bowtied Social who has been putting out a lot of top-notch content. This is my second time guest posting here and for more like this, you can find me on Twitter (X App) at @Manofstxxx and I also have a substack
So let's begin:
ATTRACTION VS COMFORT: All you should do.
Let's say you approach a chick that you are not attracted to and you do it confidently.
What do you think is going through her head when you made that approach?
When you approach her confidently, the first thing she sees is the fact that you are out of her league.
Her attraction level is high but like the reason above, she will eject herself.
Instead, you should have built comfort.
So she will reject you cause she doesn't understand why you will approach her when you are more attractive than her.
Besides, it serves as bragging rights to her friends.
Let's say we flip this scenario.
Instead, you have an attractive, confident, and accomplished woman that gets approached a lot.
You approached her but you are bombarding her with questions.
Here you are trying to build comfort with a girl that is used to men hitting on her with the same questions, instead you build attraction.
So first you should work on comfort, the second on attraction.
When you approach a girl, you are going to need both attraction and comfort.
But the degree with which you provide that is going to differ from each girl you approach.
Let's say you approach an attractive girl but she had low self-esteem then you need comfort.
If she has high self-esteem then more attractive.
The key thing is finding balance.
If you raise the level of either factor too much then you are going to lose the girl.
With too much comfort, she gets bored and with too much attraction, she rejects herself thereby rejecting you.
Now two archetypes play this very well:
• The provider type (comfort) responsible for the bill for what girls will like to be married to.
• The player or rockstar type (attraction) is spontaneous and exciting.
Now what you want is a mix of both archetypes.
When you express the personality of both, this drives the girl crazy cause you fit the bill of both.
HOW TO DEMONSTRATE ATTRACTION OR COMFORT
Attraction:
Let's start with attraction, generally, you always want to lead with attraction and it's way easier so you can fall back on comfort.
If you approach a girl and you are being very comfortable then it's hard to build attraction.
But when you approach a girl by leading with attraction then you start building comfort then it's way easier cause you spark her up emotionally.
So what displays attraction or what are the ways to show you are an attractive person:
"You show you are a person of abundance (confident, can get girls and is respected by guys)"
What is the best way to show abundance?
By showing indicators of disinterest (IOD):
• When you disqualify her.
• When you neg her.
• When you don't try to qualify yourself to her.
• You act disinterested.
• Self-amusement.
• IDGAF attitude (I don't give a fuck)
Another way is also down to your fundamentals:
• Tonality
• Body language
• Social skills
• Congruence
• How you look
All this boils down to you as a man and how you "portray" yourself to her.
Comfort:
Most of what I talked about attraction, we are going to flip them then use them, let me explain:
Comfort is empathy, it's showing you are attracted but also want to get to know her.
If you want to build comfort with a girl then you have to show some form of interest after she has also shown interest.
It's listening, empathy and getting to know her.
Stop thinking about what you want to say and ask open-ended questions then listen.
You: What do you do for a living?
Her: I'm a nurse
You: So you must be the motherly type.
Her: ...
The above builds a lot of comfort cause you show empathy while also building familiarity.
There is not much to comfort as a lot of guys know how to build comfort.
So you guys want to get how to get both attraction and comfort.
Honestly, I think it is better to err on the side of attraction than comfort.
Cause a lot of guys can build comfort but struggle with attraction.
That's a wrap.
-ManOfSteel